Flashbacks
Posted by JourneyHome on Apr 3, 2009
“I AM” entering into a Healing Space now where I am reflecting back on things that were done to me by other’s need for Control, Ego, Power etc. and realizing that IT WAS WRONG and I did NOT deserve it! I was so Brainwashed by various people that I actually believed I was WRONG because I did not want to feel BAD and certain things made me feel BAD. Like… having sex when I didn’t feel like it, dressing to please OTHER people, act a certain way even though it made my skin crawl, be nice to people when they were dirty evil people, and so on and so forth. Children are taught to be like this in the name of being a “Good Christian” or just being a “Good Boy or Girl”.
When I have these moments of actually having “Flashbacks” of things that have happened to me over the years that I compartmentalized into the “That REALLY didn’t happen” compartment and I “ALLOW” myself to realize that the action taken against me was indeed WRONG – I sometimes go into a Panic Attack or withdraw or become very Intimidated and most of the time “ALL OF THE ABOVE”. It is VERY uncomfortable and I see myself NOT wanting to “Go There”…
I know this is part of my healing process and I am trying to cope with it as best I can by learning to “FEEL” the feeling and then “Let it Go”. I have programmed myself NOT to feel my entire life so this is a challenge for me but one I am willing to take on in order to FREE myself from these chains of darkness.
