My Journey Home

I remember sitting on my Grandmother’s lap while she read to me from The Children’s Living Bible. They had just come out with the Living Bible back then. This one had pictures on some of the pages and I always stared at the pictures while she read and in my mind I brought the stories to life. I don’t remember what she read, but later on in life when I was really down, alone and afraid, I would see those pictures in my mind and think of her reading to me. She would also take me to Church with her.

I was baptized at Bible Camp when I was 5 years old. I knelt down beside my bed shortly after that one night and asked God to show me truth in all things. I was very confused because my parents didn’t believe in God or going to Church, plus I was getting molested from someone who was a grown up. I just didn’t understand what was real! I had a favorite place to go when I needed to get away. It was an Indian Ruin that the State College had dug artifacts from. I would sit next to one of the digs on a little hillside overlooking our slough and the ocean. We lived on the Oregon Coast. While I sat there talking to the Sun, I would feel the presence of Native American Spirits behind me. It was a feeling of protection.

We moved from the farm when I was 10 years old to a nearby town. I tried going to Church but didn’t have a good feeling about it. One day as I was sitting on a log fishing in the lake that was close by our house, I told God that if all there was to life was people that hurt me, Christians that thought they were better than me, and not getting any answers from him to my questions, I was going to go to Hell and I was going to have a good time on the way!

My parents got divorced shortly after that and I moved to Washington with my Mother. I learned how to survive in the city and did quite well… However, because of my ignorance of what was right, I got pregnant when I was 16 and married the Father of my Baby. He came from a Christian Background and that was really exciting to me. We tried to make it work and actually got baptized together in a Community Church. That was the second time for me… I just didn’t think I was saved. Our marriage lasted 7 years and we had 2 sons.

My Sons – Travis & Matthew

Travis is 39

Matthew is 36

I married my second husband shortly after the divorce and lived in the fast lane for a couple years. My oldest son who was 8 years old at the time, was not happy at all. He ended up going to live with his Grandmother on his Father’s side. The day he left, I looked into the sun and said, “God, you need to find me, I am lost.” The next day a friend gave me The Book Of Mormon. I was so excited! In the beginning of the book it told me to pray and ask God if the things written within were true and if I prayed with a sincere heart, God would reveal the truth to me.”

I thought I was finally on my way home! My husband however, disagreed and thought it was of the devil. How would he know? I didn’t see him praying… Shortly after that we moved to a small logging town in Oregon. We started going to a Pentacostal Church that had about 5 members and I was still reading the Book Of Mormon. Two weeks before we moved, a Mormon family moved onto the 400 acre sheep ranch that was next to the property. I studied so much and felt God’s presence so intensly there. God was really working in my life! My husband was still fighting everything…

Where I Experienced My Rebirth

My Father had put the money up for the property and we were having trouble paying it back as work was seasonal. My Father was getting alot of pressure from my sister, Step Mother and her two girls about putting up the money so he told us we would have to leave. We moved to Michigan where my husband grew up and he went to work with his Father as an electrician. (I am thinking that was just a cover..) He became more and more abusive and there was alot more going on behind the scenes than I knew about.

I was still reading my Bible and praying but I was so confused! Why was it so hard to be happy? Why did my husband fight me over things I was learning? It finally got so bad, I had to have my younger son go live with his Father. I stayed and prayed and finally it was my time to leave. I took a rope off the wall in the lean too garage and tied it around my Cocker Spaniel, grabbed my toothbrush etc., a paper sack with 5 pair of blue jeans and a few T-shirts, my Bible and an afghan my Mother had made for me and headed out the door. I didn’t say Good-bye – I just left. When I walked onto the freeway entrance a semi pulled over immediatly and the door flew open and I was on my way!!!

You can read more about my hitchhiking adventure on the “My Story” page. It was an adventure of a lifetime! So bad, but yet so good! I was “FREE”!!! I had been trapped for so long, it felt good to be free at last at any cost! I came to know a part of myself that I would of never known had I not broken away. I still didn’t know if I was saved though. I asked the Truckers questions and read them scriptures from my Bible every now and then, but still couldn’t find the answers I was looking for.

After being off the road for a few months, I got pregnant with my daughter. (You can see a picture of her on the “My Story” page.) God supplied us with a cabin in the woods and after a couple years I was baptized into the Mormon Church. That made 3 Baptisms! I finally felt like I was saved though! I finally knew that God loved me and I was going to Heaven! It wasn’t something I read, it was a feeling inside that I could not deny. I was so happy but still very lonely!

Me Taking a Break from Splitting Wood
(Our Only Heat Source)

To make a very long story short – after about 10 years and a couple relationships, I finally found my “True Love” and we are very happy! Although he doesn’t share my enthusiasm for Spiritual knowledge, he supports me in my quest to find truth and encourages me to be true to myself. I still haven’t fully accepted that someone truly loves me! I am waiting for the other shoe to drop…

I watch alot of Pentacostal Faith Ministries on TV and read my Book Of Mormon, Bible and alot of other Spiritual works. I am not active in a Church because I just don’t feel good around alot of people. I am learning to be kind to myself and give myself time to heal regardless of what anyone else thinks! I am venturing into the Wicca Beliefs now and in spite of the walls people have erected between Wicca and Christianity, I feel very strongly that it will all go together. I feel God is directing my steps and I look forward to each new day!