Courage To Heal
Welcome to my “Healing Project” This is very hard for me to do, but at the same time, it is like I am getting all this “STUFF” that is inside of me causing me pain and misery out somewhere so I can look at it from another vantage point. According to Paula White, Joyce Meyer and many other Evangelicals, we are to make our “mess” our “MESSAGE”. That is what I am trying to achieve here. I have been bound by this “STUFF” for so long, it will and already is feeling really good to get rid of it! I am looking forward to moving on with my life!
I had a friend many years ago tell me, we need to get things inside of us out into the universe so it can come back to us. She told me to write down on a piece of paper all the things I wanted in a husband. I did and now, 25 years later I have been married to him for 8 years! I am hoping that by expressing my pain from abuse, wisdom from my mistakes, enlightenment I have received along the way, and just basically being transparent to the universe – it will come back to me with healing, strength to be who “I AM” and the ability to help others. I don’t even have this published yet and I am feeling healing and a sense of moving forward and God’s presence with every new entry I write!
I am feeling like the child inside that has never seen the daylight is coming forth!
Me and My Husband
I think of all the kids that don’t even have enough to eat and people that have it worse than I can even imagine and I feel really self absorbed doing this project and putting it out for others to see. I keep asking myself if this is really necessary and God will answer me in his subtle way with each new day that it is what I need to do. I cannot help others until I help myself and honor my pain. If I keep going as if nothing ever happened, I will not be able to feel others pain. Without compassion there is no healing. We need so much more compassion in our world today! I feel there is a spirit of Judgement & Self Preservation in our world that is keeping the “Spirit Of Compassion” locked up. I want to be a part of unlocking that door and let God’s love flow through me to heal others.
Although my family doesn’t know most of the abuse I endured, I feel like I am betraying them by letting out the “Family Secret” – I hope they will understand. I have felt through the years that I have gone from the apple of their eye to being a real disappointment. I haven’t felt any compassion from them at all, only judgement. No one has asked me anything about my past, I feel they have their own false opinions as to why I ended up in circumstances that I did. No one has acknowledged the fact that I quit smoking, drinking, raised myself up from the “Gutter of Life” with NO support from them and raised my daughter to be a fine young woman with high morals and values. She is not perfect and does party with her friends, but she knows she can come to me with anything and I will not sugar coat my opinion. She knows I pray for her and that I am here for her whenever she needs me. She is like a “Shining Star” among her friends and has several people and young men that look out for her and respect her values. In this day, I would say that is quite an accomplishment! I feel she will be used greatly by God in her due season.
My Daughter “Dani” (Danielle)
I pray that someday my family will come to know the “Real Me” and honor the strength that is within that got me through.
I also pray that I might reach someone who is going through similar circumstances or on a healing quest of any kind and maybe give them some hope or encouragement they might need to keep going.
I hope you enjoy your stay and find something worth while to take with you.
